The amazing powerful grace of Laurie Walters Slade
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Published: Thursday, 24 October 2019 20:12
By Susan Kelejian
Words are powerful. They can destroy with a syllable, or uplift spirits with thoughtful brevity.
I was witness among 100 people in a packed courtroom Oct. 24 to the sentencing of a man who took away the life of our beloved community member, John Slade. I was also witness to his wife, our friend, Laurie, deliver a statement of words which will forever be burned into my psyche and be a life-changing moment, a snapshot “memory postcard” which serves as a catalyst for personal transformation. Which is appropriate as if you knew him, John had alchemical qualities. Laurie does, as well.
Not only did she have the courage to walk from her seat and stand a few feet away from the person whose actions took away from her the love of her life, as she put so succinctly her “soul’s mate,” but was able to clearly articulate sans a single “um” or stagger through sobs to try to describe an encapsulated beautiful life of John Slade: singer, songwriter, actor, writer, director, advocate, educator, father, husband, friend.
She spoke slowly and carefully, with calm clarity. She spoke with softness, she spoke for John, for herself, and for us. It was honest and raw, transparent and intimate, moving and difficult, but without histrionics, without a drop of vengeance in its tone. She spoke so well, that it moved me in 15 minutes to not manifest the compulsion to cry out “MURDER!” when I sat in the courtroom corner, burning my eyes into the back of his head.
Laurie, who was granted by the thoughtful listening judge to be able to face and speak directly to the convicted, said: “I am angry at you, Mr. McVickers. But I don’t hate you, and I don’t know why.” She then went on, as only a Shakespearean would do to educate on the origin of the word “penitentiary,” whereupon she explained to him that during the time he will serve doing his penance, and be truly penitent, he then would be able to walk out of the prison and finally “be free.”
Her clear, honest directness moved the guilty party so profoundly that he asked the judge spontaneously to address the room. Whereupon in a brief statement, Mr. McVickers turned around to face 100 people, so angry, so hurt, so wanting more justice than a four-year sentence of a misdemeanor and was able to tearfully express a deep sorrow for his actions and ask for forgiveness from us. My rage was turned to compassion, and that was because of Laurie.
She gave us a gift of such profound example of forgiveness that was so very unexpected, which allowed a man who made horrific decisions to be able to heal. She gave the community seated behind her a gift that we don’t have to be angry and sad and hurt about the loss of this multi-gifted light-being in form of John Slade, but can now collectively and individually move forward because of what his partner stated so eloquently. She showed courage of a rare kind, and which gave a man the courage to face us, to face himself, and to face what lies ahead.
Courage is French for “le coeur” (heart) and “age” (age/time) — a translation to mean “time of the heart.” Courage is when we are afraid to do something, but do it anyway because our heart leads us in that direction. Because our heart wins out. Courage has the power of love at its foundation, not hate or fear.
— Susan Keljian lives in Ojai.